Let’s do the Math on a SWAT raid.

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Professional Mensa Hitmen, trained by the KGB.

As always. we want to be proven wrong because us writers hate our research team, a bunch of snobby Finlands and Japaneses. But let’s have some fun and do a run down anything we forget please remind us. We know we’re waaay off it’s probably a lot cheaper that this. I found a list, click the GOLD button at the bottom for the reddit army talking smart talk about the same set of shit, but check out my list first it’s funnier.

6 dudes at 20 an hour at least. that’s 120 an hour

They’re out there for at least 5 hours is that fair? ok so the labor cost is 600 bucks right?

No they don’t have insurance and pensions.

Okay, so they drove there in a 100k car it’s a swat rig. Now if you went out and bought a 100k car how much would that be a month.

Paid 0 dollars a week for life, probably.

Paid 0 dollars a week for life, probably.

I’ll wait.

It’s probably a nice long term loan 10 years, no son forever years.

Ok so they drove there in a free rig.

What about all that dope gear they have on. Did they buy that themselves. Where’d you get all the extra scratch for the helmet with the cool visor and shit with the clips….what is all that shit on each of those clips…all that shit was free? no it was a 100 bucks a piece right. Please do the build out, I’ll bet you its a hundred. The vest the helmet the shield, the beat sticks, the clips, the stuff on the clips, the light, the boots those hytec onyx joints, the kevlar clothes one of those pieces has to be kevlar, underneath, the sweat gear.

How many firearms does it take to dismantle a house full of fat crack cookers?

How many perps are there? It’s important.

6 fat wheezy idiots cooking up 16 grand worth of crack (street value).

Okay, then a team of 6 men (with 3 cars in backup filled with 1.5 brawn cop) each that’s a total of 10 guns.

What do guns shoot?

How many bullets will you need.

Ok when you only shoot 3 bullets in a 25 clip mad does it ever irk you that you need to go to the range after work and use the rest of them?

I have OCD I’d be like nah I can get more.

Any who, so how much is a door slammer?

Slick gear that probably costs 40 bucks.

Slick gear that probably costs 40 bucks.

Are they like 75 bucks dude?


We are almost done.

Who fixes that door though? The landlord? Lucky him.

Okay,  so what about the other gear they have….where’d they get that. I’m not 100% on what else they have during a swat raid. But I know it’s probably not enough to hold back the power of four out of shape shitty drug dealers in a kitchen with one gun on a bed in the sex bedroom with a fan going. They’re lethal.

So these understaffed, underpaid, poor souls doing god’s work are having to take the plunge and be the skinny little Indian guy army taking on the transformers. That’s what it really is, the cops are skinny little dweebs and the ultra sophisticated shitty coke dealers are like the cartel and the mob and the CIA all rolled into one, so let’s like do an indiegogo to get them more loot for more bang sticks and tanks and bombs and guns.

Mensa Genius running a complex multi-twenty dollar, child killing, drug ring.

Mensa Genius running a complex multi-twenty dollar, child killing, drug ring.



I found this article as I was writing this. It’s better than mine, but I don’t care. What’s important is that we start interrogating the accounting offices at the municipal level for being fucking pigs and overspending and upgrading shit for no reason. Raids who the fuck is going to go that hard to where we would need a raid, think about it. Jesus Christ it’s like telling me that Bob Sapp is working out really hard to fight Ross Perot.


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