10 Best $2000-ish Cars

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You’re fucking broke and you don’t know shit about cars.


You just got money for the first time and you’re thinking about headed into a dealership and leasing a civic.


You did too much alcohol at Dad’s house and crashed your car.


You’re 17 and you just got grad money.


You just got slapped around you need out.

I was a car salesman for 10 years, my dad owns a wholesale shop to this day and I’ve never wanted anything but good to come from my sales over the years. I’ve sold new cars and wished and hoped that people would look me in the eye and say, “Nick, I don’t need to spend fucking 30k or 600 a month for a new fucking car who cares.” They’d be correct, and I wouldn’t want to suck gun for the sad state of affairs when I have to watch another loser I graduated high school with show off their new Toyota 4-Runner purchase on facebook. I hope everyone in a new car rolls over in and burns alive, you fucked up, you tried to brag about your money and now your in a debt trap that is infringing on my rights to prosperity.

I know you see prices and you’re like, “Nick I can’t get that car for 2000.”

To which I’d reply, “I said 2000-ish …..motherfucker ….ish.” This is an alt route for you. Look long and hard on craigslist and offer people low offers, because IRL selling things is not candy land.  Don’t finance cars, get shitty cars with long lasting motors and drive them to 300k miles. Every really truly wealthy customer I’ve ever had didn’t drive in with a 4 year old car, they drove in with a 15-25 year old one, so suck shit that’s proof.

  1. 1994 Mercedes Benz e320

  2. 1998 Lexus e300

  3. 2000 Honda CRV

  4. 2004 Ford Crown Victoria

  5. 2000 Honda Civic

  6. 1997 Toyota Tacoma

  7. 1984 Mercedes 300d

  8. 2001 Acura TL

  9. 2000 Jetta Diesel

  10. 2004 Subaru Impreza Hatch